Pre Graduation Reflection

When have we ever been given the time to think?

We graduate from college and we’re thrown into this idea that we need a 9-5 that involves dialing nine numbers a thousand times a day for someone with a bigger paycheck. Why are we taught that having a crappy day is the only way? And to live that way, everyday? How did we get so brainwashed?

And to think it’s all with a quick, swift kick in the pants that we’re booted out the door and thrown into the mix of 'real' life. I can just hear my $50,000 college education yelling, “Sorry, no instruction manual or textbook for that kind of thing,” when my parents toss me out the door in their, “learn to swim,” fashion.

Now my intention is not to draw attention to the work world’s reality. My intention is to draw all of our attention to our own reality. So in order to do so, we must ask ourselves the tough questions, “What is our reality? What is our potential? What did we promise the world?” To those questions, we may never have the right answer, but what we do have, is the answer that feels right, to us.

I don’t want to feel the obligation of answering any more mindless questions about what I want to be when I grow up, or what I plan to do with my life after college. But what I do want is to find the raw emotions that I had at one point in time, and search for the passion that burns inside of me. I want something to inspire me to act on the dreams I have, or the dreams that I learned to suppress and bury deep down in an attempt to stomach what actually becomes our reality. NINE TO FIVE.

A month from graduating, I'm getting the feeling that we all had dreams that we gave up for that secure job with the government. You know, the job that our parents told us had awesome benefits and a steady paycheck with great opportunity for advancement? Who knew that the dream job we were taught to strive for really meant having a job that pays us from 9-5, even though we work a 5-9 and volunteer for a full day’s work on Saturday so we’re not replaced with someone willing to do more for less. NOT FAIR.

Well, world, “Suck it!” Seriously. I’m aware of the potential my generation has. I hate having to think that some of us have to go through the torture of postponing our dreams until we get home at night. We all have DREAMS BURIED ALIVE.

Listen, I know the gravity of our potential, if we only keep following our dreams. Take that journey! This is our life; who’s to tell us what we need to be doing at every waking hour? Take the time to think. Find you, be you; and in being completely and wholly you- discover your dream. FOLLOW THAT DREAM.

Unconditional Love

I know why 50% of marriages in the United States do not succeed. Love is hard work. Our loved ones are mirrors, and it is much easier to get angry at and run away from a mirror than it is to see ourselves, change, and accept each other. I read a book recently that said, "Unconditional love is not warm, soft, and fuzzy. It is fierce."

I believe that true love, whether it's a friendship or a deeper relationship, is fierce. It takes so much to actually love: time, energy, pain, support, humor, dissapointment, excitement, and commitment. In response to our class' topic... I believe that having to ability to love someone unconditionally is the ultimate art of living successfully.

Experience.

I’m graduating in a month, then it will be official, I’ll be finished with my fun, easy going adolescent years. And although I’m sure I will try my best, there will be no more avoiding becoming an adult. I don’t like to face this but this is what it is. So I’m starting to stress out…going through all these thoughts in my head like, okay Lindsay now you have to really kind of, you know, live up to the dream of what you were promising everyone. But wait, what did you promise everyone?
I’ve had four years in college to decide what I want to be and what I want to do with my life. Truth is, I still have no answer to those questions. I often feel even more lost now than I was when I started. But if there is one lesson I will take with me from these years it is the fact that you live first and you learn after. And although, that may not be the most convenient order, it always seems to be the way things go for me. I have learned that everything doesn’t have to completely make sense in order for you to act; if the emotion is right, then go with it. I learn the most from acting on things, regardless of how they work out… the experience is always better than simply contemplating it.
So that’s what I want to do after I graduate. Experience. Keep exploring. Keep learning. Keep trying new things and discovering new cultures. I feel that the seeds planted along a journey to personal growth can grow into something that will in the end be greater than a standard 9-5 job , an unsettling career. I do not want to buy love or success or happiness, nor do I believe that is possible. I want to discover it, experience it, share it.

Desires

Ever wanted something so bad you felt like you would do anything to get it? Most of the time, these things that we want(love, money, material items) aren't really things that we need (food, clothing, education). Yet we desire these things all the same, and often times even more than the essentials we actually need for survival. This desire for things that we don't need seems to be common among all of us. We are always looking.. searching.. wanting.. some thing, someone, some place.

Is this constant desire fueling us or draining us? What happens when we desire so much that it becomes impossible to satisfy our wants? More often than not, desire tends to leave us heartbroken or simply wears us out. So why do we invest so much of our thoughts and efforts into these desires?

In Epicurus' Principle Doctrines, he makes the point that "among desires some are natural and necessary, some natural but not necessary, and others neither natural nor necessary but due to baseless opinion." I think that this speaks a lot to why we desire so much. It is largely due to "baseless opinion." In our society's case, I believe this baseless opinion comes from the media. We are bombarded with ads everywhere we look telling us things that we "need" to be happy, cool, fashionable, or attractive. These advertisements give us desires that are not natural or necessary and contribute to us being unfulfilled when we cannot attain them. For the sake of our own happiness and satisfaction, since it is impossible in consumer-driven-America to avoid these commercials, ads, billboards, etc.; I think it is very important that we learn to distinguish necessary desires from unnecassary ones. For example, it is necessary that you desire to wear clothing; however, it is unnecassary that you desire only to wear the latest most expensive fashion trends. Realize that there are certain things which you desire, and maybe even yearn for, that you do not NEED. Yes, obtaining these desires would be great but you must be able to step back from your wanting and put things in perspective. If your desire is not essential to your survival and is more-than-likely not going to be obtained and is draining your emotional well-being... consider letting it go.

Be Positive

The most important advice that I have been given and learned through my experiences in life comes from my dad. He always tells me that I have the power to transform my world with a thankful heart and a positive attitude. Throughout my life I have found this advice to be very true. A lot of times when I am upset or having a bad day it has everything to do with the way I am choosing to look at the things that happen to me. When I take a step back from the situation and try to be positive, I will eventually being to feel more positive and instead of focusing on bad things I begin to notice the good things. I think it is very true that you can tranform your world by having a thankful heart. When I take the time to think about all the things in my life that I love and that make me happy, I can see that a lot of the things that bother me are very trivial compared with the things I am thankful for. If we look at the things in our life that that we feel blessed to have, we have less time to focus on the things that aren't so great. Also I have noticed that by being greatful and having a positive outlook you will attract other people to you. Everyone wants to be around someone who is happy and makes them feel good.

The Prince

There is one chapter in "The Prince" that I found to be particularly disturbing. In chapter 17, Machiavelli discusses the virtues of mercy and cruelty. He says that no Prince should mind being called cruel for keeping his subjects peaceful and loyal. What is interesting to me is that Machiavelli suggests that keeping his subjects in fear of him is the best way for a Prince to ensure their loyalty. Through this reasoning he makes the conclusion that it is better to be feared than to be loved. He says that this is because in general people are greedy and that those who claim to love you at your best time will often abandon you in tough times. In my opinion, his theory, "It is better to be feared than loved" is saying that when the people fear their ruler, the ruler will most likely get what he wants. When a ruler has intimidated his people, he has control over them, and they will most likely do what he says and follow his rules- out of fear. Some people might argue and say that if a ruler is loved than people will respect him and follow his rules. This is true, except, it is harder to get people to love and respect you so much as to do everything they are told, than it is to get them to fear you.

Epictetus

I had a hard time choosing which chapter from "The Art of Living" that I liked most. I think almost every point made in the book is a very useful reference when it comes to the way we live our life. I suppose the one that has stayed with me since I read the book is "Consider What Comes First, Then What Follows, Then Act." The main point of this chapter is obviously for us to think things through before actually acting, but there were a few quotes that stuck out to me that I have begun applying to my life. "Unless we fully give ourselves to our endeavors we are hollow, superficial people and we never develop our natural gifts." I have the tendency to participate in lots of activities or projects and not fully give my time and my abilities to just one. I am very indecisive and wishy-washy, especially when it comes to what I want to pursue in my future. I try a lot of things out and then either give up or get disinterested. Epictetus makes the point that in order to become really great at something we have to make the decision to commit our body and mind to it completely, he says that, "a half-hearted spirit has no power." I find myself being nervous or unsure about alot of the decisions I make and usually when I feel this way, the outcome of the decision isn't favorable. Epictetus urges us to think things through thoroughly before commiting or acting because if we are unsure about it then we cannot fully give ourselves over to completing it. He states that "tentative efforts lead to tentative outcomes." I have been quoting this alot to myself lately and it reminds me to give my entire effort into making things work.

A Favorite Place

A favorite place of mine is the seashore. I don't particularly have a preference which beach, any one will do regardless of how exotic or local the setting may be, I simply like the ocean. Being at the beach or in the ocean is extremely refreshing and renewing to me. The calming sound of the waves against the shore relaxes me and drains out much of my otherwise constant thoughts. I like the humble feeling that the ocean gives me. It makes me feel small and quite powerless compared to this huge force of nature surrounding me. Being in and at the ocean is kind of spiritual for me, I find it easiest for me to write on the beach and I also do a lot of reflecting there. But seriousness aside, the beach is also definately a place where I've had a ton of really fun summer days and late night walks home from Lagar Heads.
I currently live on Wrightsville Beach so I spend a lot of time at the beach and in the ocean. I walk out to the beach to see the ocean at least once a day so the last time I was there was this morning. It was pretty flat and not many people were in the water. I read a book and enjoyed the first day of sunshine we've had in about a week. Then I went for a quick swim before heading back home to get ready for today's classes. I consider myself very blessed to have the opportunity to experience the beach and the ocean on a daily basis, I try to take advantage of it and not take my living situation for granted.

Regret

I don't really have very many regrets. I believe that it takes the sum of every experience you have and a decisions you make to shape you into the person that you are supposed to be. I do have a few situations in my life that I wish had turned out a little differently, and most of these are situations where I chose not to do anything at all. I have heard that our biggest regrets are not the things that we do wrong but the things that we do not do. I can attest to this, the times that I most often reflect on in my past are times where I didn't say what I felt or where I didn't take a risk. I am not sure that my life would have turned out any differently had I made different choices in those moments, however; the fact that I do not know what the outcome of speaking my mind or taking those risks could have been is something that weighs on my mind. Sometimes this whole process of considering "what could have happened" or "what might have been" is more bothersome and stressful to me than what the risks would have involved themeselves. As I write this blog I am reminded of the Jack Kerouac quote, "I often wonder what's in store for me in the direction I don't take." I think that everyone has times when they look back on certain turning points in their life and wonder where they would be now if they had made a different choice at that moment. This type of speculation is alright, to an extent; but I don't think there is much use in it. It's hard not to get wrapped up in the shoulda-coulda-woulda when things don't turn out the way we would like for them to. But when it comes down to it, regret is pointless isn't it? You can't change what has already happened. But you can change the way things are... so it is important to recognize a regret and realize what actions you can take to try and fix it or accept your regret and learn from it. Trust that where you are right now is where you are meant to be. This sounds so cliche and is definately hard to actually do. So I understand having regrets but I do not reccommend spending much time dwelling on them because if you're always looking back, you'll miss where you are now and you definately won't be moving forward.